A Silent Fangirl

Hello! :) Writing to you after sooooo long. Feels sad but at the same time it's so wonderful to quote my own thoughts, to weave my patterns of love and gratitude and to lighten my heart, overshadowed by the mind of several notions, burdened with too many emotions. (Sorry for being so poetic :P)

You know I'm not one of those writers who have a quick wit, who can sum up their thoughts in a gust of wind. I reflect upon the tiniest of trifles. I take time, I think a lot. What to say and what not. I do make mistakes (grammatical as well :P), but I find joy in learning from them. At times, I start crying for I feel, I'm not worth being called a 'to-be-writer'. Anyway, things happen the way they're meant to be. Therefore, this is the third blog I'm writing to you and for you, after almost a year. *Sigh*

Amidst the various parts that I play, the several facets that I have: the crazy me, the selfish me, the writer me and so on, there's a fangirl me. A silent fangirl. Yes I am 'Just another fangirl'. A fangirl who ruminates like all the others, but doesn't resonate the way they do. The fangirl part of me is the quiet, the aloof one. It doesn't manifest it's own existence. It's there, unheard, unfelt just like the forlorn sky waiting to be brightened by the vibrant sunshine and then again turning dark, going back to its original form. My sunshine is you. I wait for you to brighten up my life. When I watch you onscreen with people around me whistling and clapping for you, when your awe-inspiring tweets suddenly pop up in my timeline, when I happen to watch your old interviews after huge gaps of time, that fangirl shines, she comes out of her cocoon and flies like a butterfly, freely, spreading radiance. But the evil reality is that sunshine is transient. It doesn't last for long. And so the fangirl goes back. To its latent being. 

It hurts. It hurts to see your love for a person being questioned. Love is so an emotion. It doesn't need any actions or reactions. It's deep there, at the bottom of the heart, in the depth of the soul, craving for someone's smile, praying for someone's happiness. Your presence is the utopian pleasure I live in. It kills inside me, the wanton spirit of hate and aggression. It ignites in me a sense of magnanimity, a sense of liberty, and a sense of identity, that transcends religion and nationality. Your silence. It takes me away from this turbulent world and lands me into one, where people don't have questions to ask, wars to fight, and odds and ends to gather themselves with. But where they have stories to tell, songs to sing, brushes to paint their own idealistic worlds and gifts of joy to give, smiles and love to spread.

Thank you Sid, for being a part of me, for being a celebration in my life. Thank you for urging me to articulate the words and emotions bottled up inside me, for being the light that dispels all the darkness. With time, changes do come and they'll keep coming. I don't know if I'd be the same crybaby, shedding tears of self pity and doubt, or a wallflower who sits by her side, preoccupied with her own hopes and fears. But we'll remain. Your struggle, your journey will continue to motivate me. Your patience will always inspire me to wait for good things to happen. The instances of your failure will strengthen me during my worst times. You'll always be my superhero and I, your fan. And this friendship, this bond, it'll remain, forever and beyond. :)

Heart over Head, Head over Heels ❤️

This is just the beginning :')

I was sitting by the window and waiting for some spellbinding idea to strike my mind. Of course, it's not an easy task to simply think of a topic and pen down one's thoughts. Lemme tell you, this suffering from an acute shortage of thoughts is quite infernal! And so I simply drowned in the dismal rivers of disbelief and hopelessness, what the heck?!! But then, after a few moments of disillusionment and inferiority complex, there came about a heartfelt desire to scribble out the simplest of hopes and expectations running in my blood, leaping in my heart!!

I haven't written this blog to explain the reasons for your speciality and uniqueness because obviously if I'd begin counting those reasons and writing about them, I'd end up buying the whole stationery shop of pens and registers xD!!

Sometimes, I just try to imagine your life. How would you feel? What would your perspective be? Wouldn't you be proud of yourself or may be glad of the fact that your parents feel proud to have a son like you? Wouldn't you sometimes try to pinch yourself or pass those stupid smiles when you read about your comparison with Mr. Bachchan? :D

You know, now you're associated with BIG things!! I was going through the list of awards you've won. Stardust, Big Star, Filmfare! Wohoooo!! Big names ya. And, Vogue most beautiful man. I mean I just couldn't stop grinning like a retard!! Then, Ek villain entering into the 100 Crore Club. "100 CRORE"!! Ek ke baad 9 zeros! Unexpected no? The best possible thing that could've happened. And now, Brothers with Akshay Kumar!! Big people!!

Well, apart from getting on the good side of a million people, there would be many trying to dishearten you, who would criticise you for the same things which make us fall for you! We call them 'Haters'!! So just keep in mind the tweet you favourited that whoever is trying to bring you down is already below you!! And also, I know that criticism motivates you! That's why you're Sidharth Malhotra!!

So now, I can feel you! Sounds weird, but yes, I literally can. Your journey from a regular Delhi boy to one of the finest Bollywood actors has been of immense struggle and patience, but it's an inspiration for most of us. Your pain, your endeavors, your commitment, they are paying off. There's a lot of anxiety you may have to go through; yet, there's a lot to achieve. There's a lot of happiness waiting at your doorstep. Unexpected things would surprise you. You may get nominated for the 'Oscars', you may gift your parents a bungalow, there may be a biography published in your name. Yes, it may happen, one day, some day :')


So this is just the beginning. There's a long long way to go. Hope that you keep climbing the ladder of success and don't fall off! Even if you do, begin the journey again because new beginnings bring new opportunities. And yes, if you ever feel insecure or anxious, toh haath kholna, stretch karna jaise bachhe sote hain, ekdum stress free hoke and breathe in, breathe out, okay? :)

A birthday gift shopped from my heart!

I couldn't do much but since it is Sidharth Malhotra's 30th birthday, I just wrote my heart out and have come up with a poem of 30 stanzas on why is Sidharth Malhotra so unique and so special, especially for me ;)

On the 16th of January, 1985                                
Was a serene soul born.
His name is 'Sidharth Malhotra',
Who has transformed dusk into dawn.

His pacific yet contagious smile
Has the ability to alleviate our pain.
Extrinsically he may seem reticent,
But we do know...he is Insane!

His idiosyncratic perfection,
Is what makes him unsurpassed.
Being slow and steady is his belief,
Not flying high and running fast.

No doubt! He's a big foodie.
Be it any typical Punjabi sweet,
Or Rogan Josh made by his Nani;
But rather I would relish him as a treat!

Love surely gives him assurance,
Surprisingly, criticism motivates him!
Though he has reached the greatest of heights
Progress is still on his bucket list rim!

His eye blinking, or the Karan Johar wala pout,
All these elements are quite quirky!
So can anybody ever look at him and say,
"This guy isn't perky!"??

Far from any kind of male ego,
Never hesitates for any unsolicited advice.
His heart is filled with virtue,
Never has he shown signs of envy and vice.

With a giggle he admits that
He has flunked in class nine!
Sometimes I myself get skeptical
As this ideal man has an IQ that's divine!

His effortless endeavour
To make the award speech outgoing;
Even when it comes to an end,
The winds of applaud keep blowing.

He may not always remember
The lyrics of his own song;
But when he sings in his dulcet voice,
In another world, he'll take you along.

Never have I touched him,
But can feel the warmth in his hug.
I simply want to love him,
But I'm addicted to him like a drug.

He is here to work earnestly
Not to compete or to battle.
Confidence and composure is his style
So he is unfazed from any tittle-tattle.

His naughty sense of humour
Shows his artless persona.
He's a humane soul
As he adores all-flora and fauna.

The eyes filled with aspiration
Show the amount of modesty in this man.
And the magic those eyes are enriched with
Makes everyone a huge fan!

After SOTY, he became the Handsome hunk;
But in Villain, he turned out be a revelation.
Whichever character he plays,
He would always provide us with elation.

I have a little secret wish-
To touch his soft-mushy hands!
But wholeheartedly I desire
That he gets to endorse all the famous brands!

This man consists of an unusual exuberance
Such as frolic with his dog Oscar;
Or his fascination for sports
Be it basketball, rugby or soccer!

You will never feel embarrassed
Even when he kisses on-screen,
Because he can make it look beautiful
And intensify that intimate scene.

He knows how to play the piano,
From Archie comic, he loves to sketch.
But when he's asked about vegetable prices,
Then he would scratch his eyebrow's edge!

His hotness radiates the environment,
He is an epitome of beauty!
In spite of being so attractive,
He has never been snooty.

He may not dazzle everyone
With the help of his dancing skills;
But the way he expresses with each move
He is at the top of all the bills!

His struggling period has explained us
The meaning of forbearance.
But what impresses us the most
Is his attempt of temperance.

He can stimulate our mornings
By teaching us the significance of reforms.
Though it is good to follow rules,
But he's a winner who makes his own norms.

Never has he refused
To answer any of the media's questions.
Nor does he get nervous
To make any screwy confessions!

His adorable habit of writing
Tight hug and big love,
Will make you feel gleeful
And his tweets will make you merrily rove!

His fondness for the kanjak poori halwa,
Shows that even now he's a child at heart!
And when it comes to the love for his family
He deems everyone as an equally important part.

Health is one of his priorities
Thus he's a fitness freak!
He will keep up with his consistent hard work
Even when he reaches the peak.

I have seen his development,
From an ambitious student to a valiant warrior
With every new movie he has bettered himself
He is truly an evolution carrier!

It's not his luck which made him
A part of the film industry.
It is Bollywood's fortune to have a man
Who is definitely going to create history.

He has taught and inspired all of us
In a myriad of ways,
So in our hearts we are gonna have for him
Love and Respect Always :)

I would like to end up saying that I didn't write this because i want a reply from you. I just want you to read this piece of poetry and smile. (And if you get time, then please check my profile!!). ;)